Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Uncle Arthur (part two)

Although my recent Uncle Arthur post (click here if you missed it) didn't elicit quite this response,

Lady from Zululand:

 "I can honestly say that it was through them (Bedtime Stories) that I got a desire for the better things in life...

(new car? swimming pool? French perfume? five star holidays? NOPE! Read on...)

I am now married to a Methodist minister."


many of you did ask me to post more of his groovy pics and hilarious captions, (which Curtise describes perfectly as "retro commedy gold") so this post is for you...

from "How Mother Learned to Drive"

(lets just say it involved divine intervention...)

"Nine year-old Dora didn't like it a bit. All her friends had mothers who could drive. Why couldn't her mother? What a good time they could have if only Mother could drive!"

Dora sounds like a pain in the patootie!

from "Bottom of the Class"

This is the story of Jerry, a "fixture at the bottom of his class". Until one exciting, wonderful day when he "moves one up from bottom". There's cake and ice cream all round, until Mum pops into school to thank Jerry's teacher. 

"I'm so glad he isn't bottom any more," she said.
"So am I," said Teacher.
"I wonder who is bottom now?" said Mother.
"He's a little boy from Pakistan," said teacher; "he doesn't speak any English".
A strange look came over Mother's face.

Safe to say, I think Jerry's ice cream days were numbered.

This stuff really is "retro commedy gold!" Uncle Artie would not get away with stories like this these days. That's for sure.

from "Carrying the Pennant"

(included because I like "Bridget's" candlewick bedspread, lamp, curtain, etc)

from "Mysterious Stranger"

(and yet they look strangely happy to see him. What about 'Stranger Danger'?)

from "Jimmy, Timmy and the Snowballs"

"I'm sorry," said Jimmy.
"That's all right," said the man. "just don't do it again."
"I won't," said Jimmy. And he didn't.
Mother saw to that.

I bet she did!

from "Slow Coach Sandy"

 Sandy can run like the wind when he wants to, but "as for church, well, perhaps I shouldn't mention it." Ha-ha!

One of the reasons Uncle Arthur wrote Bedtime Stories was to "make bad children good and good children better" In the forward of one of his Volumes he writes "children loved them because, well, they just loved them" Right!? He also writes "and so there was a great clamour for more and yet more" Clamour? Nice word, but seriously?

If you clamour for more Uncle Arthur let me know. I aim to please.

Now I'm wondering if the great man himself had anything to do with this tea towel I picked up the other day? Not vintage, but too good to leave behind

and currently winging sailing its way across the sea to someone who I think, will appreciate its irony...



  1. Can't wait to dig our copies out when I am at Mum's next now! Jimmy and Timmy - gawd.

  2. They just keep coming from Uncle Arthur.

  3. I want more Arthur! I want more Pakistani kids to keep mine from the bottom of the class! I want more kids who look like they light fires rather than go to Mass, and more from that new rock-sensation "Jimmy, Timmy and The Snow Balls!"

  4. Absolutely hilarious!
    Liz @ Shortbread & Ginger

  5. Wonder what the good uncle would write about me.....I'm probably beyond saving.....definitely a bottom!!!......hilarious !
    Allison x

  6. The bottom of the class story reminds me of the short story "Charles" by Shirley Jackson.

  7. Yep the Uncle Arthurs are a total hoot. I think you perhaps need to dedicate at least a post a week to this crazy righteous goodness! mel x

  8. Thank you for your kind comment over on my blog, it was lovely hearing from you Kylie. And thank you for still thinking about me, re: the Ladybird book. I've never heard of Uncle Arthur but he sure is a witty one xxx

  9. Haha - my Mum learned to drive when I was old enough to remember it - about 4 or 5 - and boy was it a laugh a minute....she used to kangaroo-hop the car down the road (I think it might have been a Morris Traveller) and we'd all fall about shrieking in the back and make her so cross.

    Would love to see more of uncle Arthur's tales.

  10. These books are positively creepy but they make for great posts! I was intrigued about the lady from Zululand. Do you have a Zululand in Australia or is it the one I know?

  11. Why is uncle Arthur so proud about sending kids to sleep with his tales? There's a lot to be said for self-belief, eh? How lovely Arthur's world is though. Warms my heart to think of such a sterile society being created with the right amount of sexism, racism, religion and delusion. Gawd bless ya, Arthur!

    Great post Kylie, comedy gold indeed!

    Lucy Joy

  12. I wonder if the Mysterious Stranger was just the dad home from work..haha

  13. Haha. That is retro comedy gold. It is so funny how these can be interpret ted totally differently in this day and age. E.g. stranger danger and the little boy from Pakistan. Nice work. And totally creepy as Sharon says above. Creepy is my favorite word. i do get creeped out a lot.

  14. More more more! These are exactly like the greetings cards you can get here where someone has taken a vintage photo and given it a silly caption (my dream job), except these captions are perfect as they are.

    I think I have been neglecting my children's religious (and cinematic) education. Zac asked the other day "How DID The Godfather make the world? How did he stand in space?"

    Fab TT too